


Helpless

by Flantastic



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 12:29:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11380206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flantastic/pseuds/Flantastic
Summary: James has his worst nightmare.





	Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2017 007 Fest. Angst Prompt Table 004 "Helplessness".

 

 

James ran through the underground bunker, desperate to find Q.

Q had been taken by forces unknown and James’s searching had led him here.  He’d been in places like this before.  Relics from the cold war.  Once capable of withstanding the most ferocious of attacks, now rotting, damp and crumbling from neglect.  Water ran down the walls and the stench of damp and decay filled his nostrils.  James had lost his gun, lost his radio and once upon a time his quartermaster would have been sitting waiting safe and secure in his London office waiting to berate James for not taking care of his equipment but not now.  Now he was the one who was in danger.

The abandoned rooms James frantically searched were all dimly lit, emergency lighting just bright enough to allow him to see the detritus which was scattered over the floors.  The spent shell casings, the blood, the discarded condoms…  He shook his head as he carried on running.  A panic threatened to consume him.  No.  They wouldn’t have.  Not to Q.  Not to his Tom.

Finally he reached a thick metal door at the end of a corridor and he knew this was it.  This was where he’d find Q.  The lighting was dimmer here and he squinted to see in the gloom as he tried to push to door open.  It didn’t seem to want to move despite the fact it was standing open a couple of inches.  The hinges must have been caked in rust.  He tried to stem his rising panic as he put his shoulder to the cold metal and pushed.  It moved another few inches, then another, then another until he could force himself through the gap.

The room was the darkest yet but there, lying in the filth and crap on a stained mattress, dressed only in a torn t-shirt was Q.  He was bloodied and bruised and violated.  James ran to him and dropped to his knees, reaching out with trembling hands to touch his darling.  He was as cold as ice and unresponsive and James let out a guttural moan as Q’s head rolled to the side and he saw for the first time that his beautiful green eyes were unseeing.  James was too late.

He wailed with heart-wrenching grief as he lifted Q’s stiff, lifeless body to his chest, kissing his cold face.

“No…  Please God no… not my Tom… please baby… please wake up…”

He didn’t notice how Eve had managed to get into the room with them but she was suddenly there, handing James a soft blanket to wrap around the corpse of the man he loved… the man he had sacrificed everything for.

“You failed him.”  She said without a hint of sympathy.  “You fell in love with him and that’s why they killed him.”

“No.”

“You should have stopped them.”

“I couldn’t I…”

“You killed him.”

He shook his head as someone shook his arm.  Someone who wanted to take Q away from him.  He lashed out, roaring out his anger and grief and:-

_“Ow!  What the fuck James?”_

James awoke with a start, sweating and tangled up in the bedsheets.  His bedsheets.  He was in his own bed, the one he shared with Q except Q wasn’t lying next to him anymore, he was kicking off his side of the covers and thrashing his way out of bed, one hand clamped over his face.  James sat up groggily and saw blood on the sheets.  With a feeling of rising dread he got up and raced after him to the bathroom.  When he caught up with him Q was running the cold tap in the sink and holding a soaked flannel to his nose.

“Tom.”  James said softly.  Q shrugged James’s first tentative touch off and then sighed and allowed James to tenderly remove the cloth.  Q’s right eye was already beginning to blacken and there was a steady trickle of blood from his nostril.  “Oh baby.  I’m so sorry.  I hit you again didn’t I?”  Q’s hands, cool from the water, found James’s sides as he gently tilted his head back to try to see if his nose had been broken.

“I thought that this might have all stopped when you retired.  I thought that given time…” Q said tiredly.

The helplessness that James had felt during his nightmare overwhelmed him again.  Five years.  He hadn’t been an active field agent for five years.  Neither of them had worked for MI6 for the past two, both taking early retirement to escape the relentless pressure of their employment and yet the night terrors still found James more often than not.

“I’m sorry.  I don’t know why I keep having these dreams.  I’ll phone Dr Saunders in the morning.  Go back on the sleeping pills and stay in the spare room for a while.”

“No to both of those ideas.”  Q retorted before leaning forward and kissing him gently, tilting his head slightly to stop their noses from touching.  “We both know they don’t agree with you and I love you, I want to sleep beside you.  If you’d have been on your own tonight I wouldn’t have known you were having a nightmare… I wouldn’t have been there to help you to wake up from it.”

James closed his eyes and shuddered as he realised Q’s lips were as cold as they had been in the dream.  There was a strange doubling of reality and the grief he’d felt started to creep back.

“I don’t want to keep hurting you.”

Q cupped his face and tilted it until he was forced to look him in the eye.

“ ‘Come what may.’ Remember James?  I vowed at our wedding that I would love you ‘come what may’ and I aim to.  No matter what.”

“But what if I can’t stop?  What if it can’t be helped?  What if I always end up hurting you like this?”

“You won't.”  Q went to kiss him again but James suddenly couldn’t bear the thought of his cold lips touching him again.  The memory of his nightmare was too fresh.  “James?”

“I shouldn’t…  I have to go.”

“James!”  Q followed him out of the room when James bolted back to the bedroom.  He went to the wardrobe to get his overnight bag.  He would get away from Q.  That would be for the best.  Q didn’t need a stupid old man who abused him like he had.  As he reached out to pick up the bag Q was there to capture his hands.  He pulled them into his chest.  “Stop.  Please?”

“Tom…” James lowered his head as he started to weep.  This wasn’t how it should be.  He shouldn’t be scared to be near the man that he adored more than life.  He felt helpless.  He didn’t know how to fix any of it.

“This?”  Q said softly, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his temple. “This hurts more than any smack to the face.  The thought that you might leave me.”

“I don’t know what to do.  I can’t help any of this.”

“I know but maybe we can help it together.”

“How?”

“Fucked if I know.”  Q said with a shrug.  “But let’s go back to bed.  We’ll sleep in shifts for the rest of the night.  I’ll watch you and wake you if you get restless and then you can watch me.  We’ll find a way together.”

Nodding, James let Q lead him back to bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
